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Your Woman
Supporting Jody while she poses as Janine on this mission involves many obstacles Cast * Jody Marsh * Tom De Luca * Sam Yao * Eight of Hearts * Peter Lynne Plot A Dead Giveaway Jody's decided Abel needs to build its own transmitter to keep in touch with the Laundry. The parts you need are available at a settlement that will only deal with Janine however, so you'll be assisting Jody with her best Janine impression. Never Stand For This On the way to the rendezvous point Jody practices her 'Janine' while Sam tries, and fails, to impress Tom with his file of facts about Janine. Do Need To Get On On arrival at the Eight of Hearts' base, an old leisure centre, Jody is questioned on things only Janine would know. First test passed Eight of Hearts lead you on a tour of the facility. Get This Done Apparently there will now be another test - an obstacle course involving climbing up the leisure centre's defunct water slide. Just In Patches The first obstacle is... liquid soap, but it only covers patches of the chute, so with Jody's help you can dodge around it. Need To Keep Climbing The next obstacle involves Eight of Hearts throwing chunks of concrete, and a zombie, down the chute. Once of Janine's signature hair pins comes in handy for saving Tom from the zombie! Go Down The Slide And Escape With the trials over, Eight of Hearts now fully believe Jody is in fact Janine, and want to claim a bounty on her, despite repeated denials from Jody. Peter comes to the rescue with a well timed smoke grenade, allowing you to escape. Think About That Every Day Eight of Hearts don't seem to be following you, but Peter is catching up. He's disappointed that Janine isn't really here. Everyone tries to come up with ideas for what Janine might be doing, and agree that they miss her. S06E05 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript JODY MARSH: Okay, guys. The situation is, we can’t access the transmitter at Worthington-on-Sea anymore because Raoul tried to sell you out the Sigrid. So I have a plan. We need to build our own transmitter so we can keep in touch with the Laundry and coordinate to find those babies. I’ve got some plans from Janine’s emergency rebuild of civilization notes. Just think how proud Janine will be when she comes back and sees we got a transmitter while she was away! TOM DE LUCA: She’ll be proud of you whatever you do, darling. JODY MARSH: Maybe. But remember, you can’t call me darling. I’m Janine today because the only people near us who deal in the power converters we need and aren’t loyal to Sigrid are the Eight of Hearts. They’re an underground paramilitary faction. TOM DE LUCA: Security-conscious. JODY MARSH: So security-conscious, they will only deal with Janine. But they’ve never met her in person. It’s all been via comms. And so… JANINE DE LUCA Mr. De Luca, Runner Five, let’s see if I can’t give them Janine. TOM DE LUCA: Wow! That’s spot on! JODY MARSH: It needs to be! If they discover I’m not Janine… I mean, they’ve got a reputation for blinding their enemies and sending them wandering through zom territory, which I don’t think I’d enjoy. So I suggest we pick up the pace. Tardiness would be a dead giveaway. Run! SAM YAO: Jodes, how is life living La Vie De Luca? JODY MARSH: Mr. Yao, interim mission report: status acceptable. SAM YAO: laughs That’s massively weird. But it’s kind of nice to hear her voice. Also - fanfare to help you out, I’ve taken the small liberty of compiling a Janine Encyclopedia. A Janine-opedia, if you will. Ask me anything. Uh, Janine’s favorite color? turns page Gray. Uh, Janine’s childhood nickname? Haha! Trick question. It was Janine. Uh, Janine’s favorite brand of underwear? Close your ears, Tom. page Oh! It’s M&S full briefs. I was hoping for a tantalizing surprise. TOM DE LUCA: But didn’t you compile this yourself? SAM YAO: I’m trying to add thrilling tension. JODY MARSH: laughs Sam, thank you for this, but no one’s going to ask me Janine’s favorite type of underwear, especially someone who already knows what it is. SAM YAO: Well, something else then. TOM DE LUCA: Okay… what type of hairpin does Janine favor? JODY MARSH: There’s a type? I pinned my hair up like hers. I used ASDA basics. TOM DE LUCA: She’s very brand loyal. And that brand is - ? - SAM YAO: ? Essentials, extra long. Thought you would have got that one right, Tom, old boy. TOM DE LUCA: laughs Mate, you didn’t fall for that? She’s given you misinformation on purpose. SAM YAO: She’d give misinformation about hair grips? JODY MARSH: She totally would. And mine are wrong, either way. Oh God! Oh, we’re off schedule again! Come on, everyone, faster! Janine would never stand for this! JODY MARSH: Ah, there’s the Eight of Hearts crew waiting for us. Look at those uniforms. Very paramilitary. TOM DE LUCA: Bloody sloppy! That one has their hair loose, and the one on the left has dog tags on the outside! Also, is their base, um - JODY MARSH: Yeah. An old leisure center. They’ve even got one of those water chutes that goes all around the building. SAM YAO: Ooh, I love those! Maybe we can come back later and have a go. TOM DE LUCA: You’d have to be careful. There’s a massive hole halfway up it. JODY MARSH: throat Hello. Eight of Hearts, I’m, uh… Janine. De Luca. Colonel. EIGHT OF HEARTS: An honor. JODY MARSH: This is Runner Five, and my brother, Tom De Luca. EIGHT OF HEARTS: Delighted. When did we last speak? JODY MARSH: 12th, September. I gave you advice about placement for solar panels. EIGHT OF HEARTS: Yes. And remind me again, the time before that? JODY MARSH: throat Uh… SAM YAO: No, I’ve got this. page 9th of Jan, code-breaking. JODY MARSH: 9th, January. Code-breaking. EIGHT OF HEARTS: Indeed. SAM YAO: See? And thanks, Janine, for your exhaustive – laughs one might even say anal – record keeping. EIGHT OF HEARTS: Now, a quick tour of the facility. Military pace. Come along. We have another trade deal arranged with Scorpion Fang, and you know what she’s like about waiting around, so we do need to get on. EIGHT OF HEARTS: This is the swimming pool. You see the water chute here? It contains a simple identity test. An obstacle course. We do need to be absolutely certain it’s really you, Colonel De Luca. You and your companions will climb up the chute, vanquish the trials, and we will meet you at the top with the parts you’ve required. There is nothing in there that would prove a problem for Colonel De Luca. JODY MARSH: Right! EIGHT OF HEARTS: Colonel… JODY MARSH: Yeah. Fine. Five, Mr. De Luca, follow me. Single file. It’s a scramble. Easier if you keep the pace up. Let’s get this done. Move. JODY MARSH: Hold the rear, Five. Oh no, what’s this? Grab onto me, Five! What’s going on? TOM DE LUCA: They put soap on the floor. JODY MARSH: All right. Everyone keep your eyes down. It’s just in patches. Keep going. JODY MARSH: This water slide must go around the building three times. Wait. Look out, incoming! clatters TOM DE LUCA: Eight of Hearts are throwing chunks of concrete and other debris down the chute. JODY MARSH: Behind me. Hug the wall. I see what they’re doing. This one’s easy. Five, catch that board coming down. Nice job! Now use it to divert the rocks through that hole in the chute so they don’t block the route back. clatters Yes! That worked great. Let’s move. We’re almost at the top. groans Ah! A zom coming down the chute, right on top of us! TOM DE LUCA: It’s on me! It’s got me! JODY MARSH: Hold me steady, Five. I’m going to take out this hostile at close quarters. TOM DE LUCA: You don’t have a weapon! Leave me! JODY MARSH: Oh, I do! I think I’ve worked out why Janine always wears hairpins. growls That pin in the eye got its attention. Now, if I apply my boot – dodge now, Five! falls Sweetie, are you okay? TOM DE LUCA: Yeah, I’m – that was - ! Are you sure Janine’s not possessed you? JODY MARSH: I don’t even know anymore, Tom. Look, though. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Come on. We need to keep climbing. EIGHT OF HEARTS: Welcome back, Colonel De Luca, and well done. It can only be you. I confess it’s a surprise. I never thought you’d walk right in here, De Luca, with that rich price on your head. JODY MARSH: Price? On my head? EIGHT OF HEARTS: Oh, yes. The Minister’s offering quite the purse for the capture of Janine De Luca. JODY MARSH: Uh… well, you won’t be getting it, will you? Because in fact, I’m not Janine De Luca. I’m Jody Marsh. EIGHT OF HEARTS: That ridiculous accent won’t fool us now, Colonel. You’ve proved your identity very well. JODY MARSH: I’m not her! I’m really not! I’m dating Janine’s brother. Look! TOM DE LUCA TOM DE LUCA: Whoa! JODY MARSH: TOM DE LUCA See? Janine would hardly make out with her own brother. JANINE DE LUCA: I do not believe there’s any limit to what you would do, Colonel. JODY MARSH: But I’m really not her! I wish I – I’ve tried to lead like her. Everyone wants me to be her. And I can’t – I can’t! I – JANINE DE LUCA However, Mr. De Luca, Runner Five, I have a plan. Prepare yourselves. grenade clatters, pours smoke, EIGHT OF HEARTS coughs TOM DE LUCA: Wow. That was a fast plan. PETER LYNNE: Janine! I’m here to rescue you! SAM YAO: Who’s that? I can’t see through the smoke from that grenade. JODY MARSH: Who cares? I didn’t have a plan anyway. I was bluffing for time. Come on, Five, Tom. We’ve walked up that slide. We can go down it now and escape. Run! JODY MARSH: Mr. Yao, we’re at the perimeter of the car park. Report! SAM YAO: Oh my God, that was intense. Um, uh, right. Eight of Hearts seem not to be following you. Maybe your formidable reputation has scared them off. You did a very convincing Janine. JODY MARSH: Yeah, but Janine would have completed the mission. We didn’t even get the power converter. TOM DE LUCA: Actually, we did. I took the liberty of snagging one when they were showing us around. JODY MARSH: laughs Did you know they were going to double-cross us? TOM DE LUCA: Never trust a soldier with their dog tags on the outside. SAM YAO: All right, the coast is clear. Yeah, no, wait. There’s a man approaching from your three o'clock. Watch out. Could be Eight of Hearts. PETER LYNNE: Stop! Janine, stop! It’s me, Peter. JODY MARSH: Oh God. PETER LYNNE: Jody? Where’s Janine? I heard Eight of Hearts on the radio to Sigrid’s people saying they’d captured her. I got here as fast as I could. JODY MARSH: Peter, it was me. I was just pretending, to trade for some power converters. TOM DE LUCA: She’s not here, mate. Really. JODY MARSH: Yeah. I’m sorry, Peter. It was just me. JANINE DE LUCA But I’m grateful your help, Mr. Lynne. PETER LYNNE: Oh God, that’s creepy. sighs If I’d thought about it, I’d have known it was mad. Why would Janine allow herself to be captured? Why by Eight of Hearts? What was I thinking? I’m such an idiot. JODY MARSH: You miss her. We all do. SAM YAO: Where do you think she is? Like, in your wildest dreams, what’s your Janine headcanon? JODY MARSH: I reckon she’s left the country. I think she’s in like, Paraguay, fighting zombies in the jungle with knives made of really sharp leaves and learning ancient fighting skills from amazing warriors! TOM DE LUCA: That’s a good one. I think maybe she’s working on some tech operation. She always was a dab hand with a soldering iron. I think she’s literally underground, rigging up a weapon against Sigrid. SAM YAO: laughs Yeah, I think she’s, uh… no, wait, yours are better than the ones I’ve come up with. No, no, okay, just a sec. I think she’s gone Ghost Protocol. She’s like, still around, but in a bunch of different disguises, helping us, and giving us secret advice. sighs I sort of feel she’s kind of that already. Because with all the manuals she’s left, and all the systems, nothing’s fallen apart. Everything runs like clockwork, it’s just that… she’s not here. And I miss her. PETER LYNNE: Yes. I don’t have a headcanon. Well, just one. It’s the one where she’s waiting for us when we get back. I think about that one every day Category:Mission Category:Season Six